Embracing Your "Onlys"

This past weekend I worshipped in a community with a small youth group. As I was leaving, the Sunday School teacher expressed her concerns about having such a small group. “It is a nice youth group, but we only have a few kids.” I’ve used those same words. When my husband and I were volunteering for a program over a decade ago we were working with a vibrant youth ministry that boasted 24 junior highers on Wednesday nights. These kids were devoted to the program, coming every week, and bringing friends. But Sunday mornings were a whole other story. We were lucky on some mornings to get five kids. Usually it was three.

It was tough to plan lessons because we were accustomed to using games and activities as a way to lead into discussions. The energy in the room was so radically different from what we would experience on Wednesday nights and most of the curriculum material assumed a larger group so we were constantly modifying it and then abandoning it when “only” three kids would show up.

But, imagine that you are one of those few kids in youth group. Now think about how you might hear the word “only” as it applies to you.

“If only there was someone other than you.”

“If only there were more than just you.”

“If only it was someone different than you.”

“You alone are not worth our effort.”

I'm positive that no one intends this as the meaning, I certainly didn't, but I worry that this is what is heard by our young people. Is this really the message we want to send to the children who are actually making an effort to be at church? Is this really what we want any child of God to believe or hear about themselves?

At some point during our ministry at that smaller church, my husband and I made a deal with the kids. If we got “only” one kid for Sunday School, we would take them for bible study to the Ember’s down the street where we could enjoy a steak and egg breakfast. We had to laugh out loud every Sunday morning when the first kid to arrive would lament the arrival of the second because that meant no steak and eggs. We eventually added a deal for “only” two kids, hosting bible study at the local Bruegger’s. The comradery that built up between the first two arrivals was quite lovely. We began to notice that the smaller atmosphere allowed for something far more interesting to take place. Adventure.

As my husband and I discovered, with “only” five kids, we could fit everyone in the backseat of a car and go somewhere; downtown, uptown, across town. In our new setting discussions would come alive. Kids would open up. We could see their reactions to the world that they would soon be entering on their own. We could point out where God was working outside the four walls of our church.

When I started my own ministry at a rural church a few years later, I started with five kids in the junior high program. It was such a small number that if one kid didn’t show up for a week, I would be unable to play any of the games that I had planned. So, every week after the kids were home from school on Wednesday afternoon, I would call all five kids and invite them to youth group. I had 100% attendance that year, every kid, every week, all year long. And the program grew.

If you are part of a church with a small youth population, consider all of the wonderfully adventurous things you could do. With “only” five kids, you could personally invite everyone. With “only” one kid, you could do Bible study at Ember’s. With “only” four kids, you could send your entire youth group to Triennium next summer. With “only” three kids you could take a special trip to Kansas for a Habitat for Humanity project because everyone (and their hammers) fit in the back seat of your mini-van.

Dropping the world “only” from your vocabulary will not suddenly provide you with money to fund a program or hire a resource. It will not guarantee that the perfect volunteer will just fall into your laps. But, by embracing what you have, who you have, you can help these “onlys” to grow; grow in their faith, grow in their understanding, and grow in their relationships with you, each other, and with God.